hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
