i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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