I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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