so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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