He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
