I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
