How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
