So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
