chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
