I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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