Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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