Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
