and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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