um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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