Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
