You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
