here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
