There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
