I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
