Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
