The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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