I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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