did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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