I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
