I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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