I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
