The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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