I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have post one night stand depression
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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