i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
