Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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