yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
