my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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