dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
