dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
