I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
