Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
