Having a random hookup so left but love u
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
