I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry about my life...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
