Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
