ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
