I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
