The maid of honor just puked.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
