the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
