Where is the hickey?
Soap is not a condiment
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
