whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
