Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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