you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
