At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
