i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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