The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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