Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
